Okay, this really isn’t about cake at all. It’s just, well, we’ve seen lots of reports lately that the ship called Jane’s Popularity has sailed. Apparently, the well has run dry—we’re fresh out of original texts to adapt, reinterpretations and new ideas to build on, and embarrassing Colin Firth memorabilia to buy. So…I guess that’s it! We’re moving on! Who’s up for paintball? Pottery? Roller derby?
But hark! Who are these magical sisters called Bronte, sent to save us from our delusions about snappy dialogue and sexy Regency necklines?
Complete & Unabridged has some good things to say on the subject today, but this isn’t the first we’ve heard of the masses moving on to Bronte territory: with the coming of next year’s adaptations of Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights, rumor has it that Haworth and the moors are the new place to be, literarily speaking. Cue midnight Thornfield attic tours, Team Rochester t-shirts, and a sudden interest in that severe center part in five, four, three…
Trust us. We know how these literary fandom things go. If you need some pointers, Bronteites, we’d be happy to help.
Here’s the awesome thing about books, though: You don’t have to choose. This isn’t a competition, and it isn’t a comment on your character. You can love Austen and the Brontes! You’re allowed to love the sparkling wit and domestic wisdom of Austen even as you sweat over Jane Eyre’s impending homelessness in the north country! You can long for a ball while also pondering therapeutic options for the residents of Thrushcross Grange! The only one who cares is probably Charlotte Bronte, and—I do hate to be the bearer of bad news—she’s dead.
Furthermore, readership—even new readership—is not a zero-sum game. A rise in Bronte popularity does not equal an Austenian fall from grace. Even if nobody ever adapts another Austen novel (oh, IMDB rumor snap!), Jane probably has more fans—dedicated, passionate fans—at this point in history than ever before. Nobody here is in danger of losing much of anything, except maybe a bit of the spotlight and a puzzling spot on the chick lit shelf. Whatever happens, the work isn’t diminished; we can afford to be generous. After all, how amazing would it be if everybody read Austen and the Brontes? And Eliot and Dickens and Elizabeth Gaskell and all the rest of the greats, right down the line? Surely a revived reading culture, whether it begins with a truth universally acknowledged or with a little girl hiding in the library, is worth a little getting along?
Seriously, people. You should hear my “Kum ba ya.”
Lauren Miller, posting over at nameberry, a baby names site, sounds like someone we’d like to know: she’s a true Austen enthusiast, and we appreciate her thorough knowledge of and appreciation for the names in Austen’s books. And I appreciate her suggestion of naming your child after the hero or heroine of your favorite book—a friend of mine named her daughter Serenity, and I think there’s nothing wrong with that (though I would not name my child Enterprise.) Yes, your Elizabeths, Janes, Emmas, Annes, bring ‘em on!
However, I do think Ms. Miller is a trifle naive in some of her name suggestions. To wit:
Kitty: Ms. Miller realizes you probably don’t want to name your kid Fanny. But naming her anything that can be twisted into the name of another female body part is really not a good idea. Alas, I speak from experience here.
Lydia or Maria: There’s nothing wrong with either of these as names. But do you want to name your progeny in honor of Lydia Bennet or Maria Bertram? Why not call her Scandal and be done with it?
Benwick: “It’s ‘Ben-ick,’ not ‘Ben-wick.’ On second thought, just call me Ben. Ha ha, Icky Ben! Like I haven’t heard that one before.”
Bertram: What ho?
Bingley: Is it my own dirty mind, or is this potential phallic territory? Rhymes with Dingaling, doesn’t it?
Dashwood: Similarly . . . Though we may have to face the possibility that NO name is safe from that sort of thing. But this one really does sound like a porn name. Sorry.
Wickham or Willoughby: See above re Lydia and Maria, plus, I think I’d kill my parents if they named me Wickham. At least Willoughby could be Will.
Darcy: As a girl’s name there’s nothing wrong with it except that it’s so . . . 80s. Isn’t it?
Grey: I know people can get used to virtually anything being someone’s name, and can forget its original meaning. But Grey, especially for a girl? Why not name her Dreary or Grim and be done with it? Also, small point, but Miss Grey in Sense and Sensibility was not exactly a nice person.
Price: LOL, think of the emotional scarring! Poor girl, branded as a prostitute from birth. “The Price is right!” The jokes are really endless.
Tilney: More random than anything else, I guess. But, Tilney? Really?
For the record, Ms. Miller, I love your other suggestions. Isabella: a nickname of mine, actually; Emma: a name I’ve considered for my own (strictly potential) daughter; Georgiana: just plain awesome! And considering some of the actual names people have actually named their actual children, I know it could be worse. But, please, think of the ramifications before you suggest these things! And, we’d love to hang out sometime and talk Jane Austen with you. You can even call me Isabella.
Photo credit:
First of all, I think I can speak for Miss Osborne and Mrs. Fitzpatrick in saying a huge and heartfelt thank you for playing Jane Austen’s March Madness with us—for filling out brackets, for voting in each round, for Facebooking and Twittering and e-mailing and spreading the word (and, in one particularly endearing case, for asking us about the results between Easter services). Your enthusiasm surpassed our wildest hopes, and we couldn’t have had a successful tournament without your help and your humor and your willingness to play along. We had a great time moderating (and speculating), and we hope you had a great time playing. You’re the best!
But let’s get down to business and talk about Anne Elliot’s miracle race for the championship, shall we?
Anne Elliot—spinsterish, unassuming to a fault, and heroine of one of Austen’s less-read novels—went down to the dazzling and absurdly popular Elizabeth Bennet in the Final Four, making her the runner-up on the ladies’ side. She beat out Elinor Dashwood and her final passionate outburst, Jane Bennet and her notorious lovely/lovable combo, and even her own handsome nice-guy pirate Wentworth to become the only non-Bennet to make it to the end of the tournament. It appears that something about the air (sea air, one assumes) outside of Persuasion did her some good: in the universe of her own novel, Anne would never have put up this much of a fight.
So why did she make it so far in March Madness? Further, what kind of revealing psychological assumptions can we make about the Austenacious community at large, now that we’re equipped with this kind of data? (“Data”: statisticians everywhere shudder. Sorry, math!)
Maybe, through some ironic trick of the cosmos, the Austenacious target demographic is the demographic of maturity—in much the way that Persuasion is Austen’s treatise on autumn and long-suffering and the virtues of rekindled love. Maybe we know what it’s like to wait without hope. Maybe we have ineffectual fathers and well-meaning but occasionally overbearing lady neighbors. Maybe we like a good trip to the sea. Maybe we know that, as Benwick so heartbreakingly points out, the death of a relationship isn’t so different from the death of a person.
Or, you know, maybe we just have a thing for sailors.
Readers?
Ladies and gentlemen, we have two winners to congratulate tonight!
First, by a near 2-to-1 victory, allow me to present the Champion of Jane Austen’s March Madness:
Miss Elizabeth Bennet!
I’m sure we’d all like to congratulate Miss Elizabeth on her stunning victory—really a walkthrough, ladies and gentleman—as we’ve seen, there have simply been no serious contenders for this lady! Even her own husband did not present that much of a challenge. (Well, we knew that. 
) What’s next for Miss Elizabeth? The chat shows/books have had a field day speculating—I’ve heard rumors of zombie hunting, vampires, vampyres, and all sorts of gossip dished up about the championship couple, though I find it all a little hard to credit, given the sources. But really, Miss Elizabeth is like Greta Garbo. She’s walked away from the stage with NO announcement of any dramatic plans, and we just can’t stand that, can we?
Well, we here at Austenacious wish her good luck, at least, in all her future endeavors, whatever they may be!
Next, we’d like to thank all of our lovely voters, and most especially those brave souls who waded into the cross-book politics and submitted brackets! We salute you! Fully 1/3 of you chose the correct champion, but it’s all in the details, as they say: remember, this pool was judged on highest number of correct picks.
So, we would most especially like to congratulate the winner of the Jane Austen March Madness pool, Alexa Adams, who, even though she did not correctly choose the final champion, blew us away with a stunning 52 correct picks! Ms. Adams clearly has her finger on the pulse of the Jane Austen fighting community, and who can blame her for succumbing to Mr. Darcy’s charms at the last minute? Second place goes to Meredith Esparza, who had 51 correct picks, including the championship match itself, and third place goes to Felicia Soechting, with 50 correct picks, also including the championship.
Congratulations, Ms. Adams, Ms. Esparza, and Ms. Soechting! Your special prizes will be announced shortly (big news there, everyone, stay tuned!), and we’ll be in touch with you personally to arrange for delivery.
Whew! Thanks, everyone, for playing! It’s been a busy two weeks, but exciting too! Will we do this again next year? Only time will tell . . .
Photo credit: ©2010 Heather Dever. Some rights reserved. Please credit where used.
A dispatch from across the web:
It sounds like this woman, being of strong moral fiber and unparalleled feminine character, would never in a million years obsess over the varying ratios of personal disdain to social awkwardness in recent film portrayals of one Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Or attend a Saturday seminar on Austen in contemporary opera and/or the paintings of Johannes Vermeer.
Or watch a three-hour Bollywood adaptation of Sense and Sensibility on a Monday night.
Or run a Jane Austen March Madness tournament.
Or snoop around Youtube for Austen references in You’ve Got Mail.
Or photograph an Austen action figure inadvertently caressing Elvis in a most unladylike manner.
It’s a good thing, too. We could never be friends with anybody like that.
Well, it’s been a long, hard season for our final competitors, and for all of us. I’d like to thank all the characters who played in Jane Austen’s March Madness, and to say, better luck next year, or at home in your own books, or in the pro basketball field – whichever way you choose to go!
I think we all knew, in our hearts, who these two finalists must be. Anne put up the best fight Lizzie’s seen yet, but, let’s face it, there is only one Elizabeth Bennet. And Mr. Darcy has been a fighting machine throughout. So now we get to turn our attention to this most pondered upon, slavered over relationship, and ask ourselves, in a game of Scrabble, in a game of ping-pong, in the lists of love, WHOSE CUISINE WILL REIGN SUPREME??
Excuse me, everyone, I think I’m a little overcome. This is, after all, the shipper battle of the ages. What’s The Taming of the Shrew to Pride and Prejudice, I ask you? Crudity itself, obviously.
OK, beloved voters! Give this one some deep thought and tell us, in a battle of wits, in a duel to the death, in a love fest for the ages, who would win? VOTING ENDS TUESDAY NIGHT!
Photo credit: ©2010 Heather Dever. Some rights reserved. Please credit where used.
Three Janes, One Ball, Four Amazing Players!
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome indeed to the stratosphere of the Final Four! Here we find Jane Austen’s toughest, most beloved characters. I think you know who they are, but I cannot help presenting them one by one! Without further ado, we have:
- Mr. Darcy! Fresh from a knockout round against his father-in-law, Mr. Darcy’s tall frame makes those slam dunks no problem, but is he as quick with his hands and ideas as . . .
- Mr. Bingley! His ideas flow so fast he sometimes can’t express them. Still, he did not fumble the ball against Mr. John Knightley. Mr. John didn’t hold it together here—his temper, you know, is not always the best. Still, it was a close run thing. Unlike the women’s side! And that brings me to . . .
- Miss Elizabeth Bennet! Miss Elizabeth has superb control of the ball and sparkling wit—no match has proved any trouble yet, for this last and most unstoppable Bennet. No match, until . . .
- Miss Anne Elliot! Tenacious Anne, quiet and persistent—She has the best stamina and longest reach of any of our field. A little high-schooler like Catherine Morland was no match against such a seasoned player. Whatever happens this week, we know Miss Anne has a brilliant pro career ahead of her! Though that can be said of all our Final Four contestants!
I think you all know the drill by now, but things are happening fast and furious here at the close! Make sure you vote in all the final rounds!
Final Four: NOW until SATURDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT, April 3/4.
Championship: Voting opens SATURDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT, April 3/4 and closes MONDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT, April 5/6.
We will then crown a champion character and a champion bracketeer! Good luck, citizens of Austenland! May your brackets be fruitful!
Once again, peerless voters, in a battle of wits, in a duel to the death, in a love fest for the ages, who would win?
Photo credit: ©2010 by Heather Dever. Some rights reserved: Please credit where used.
Attention, Austenacious community: Are you in San Francisco this Saturday? Are you going to WonderCon?
If so, keep an eye out for your sisters in Jane-ity!
Miss Osborne and Miss Ball will be cruising Moscone Center all day, performing ultra-scientific field research regarding two significant and commendable hypotheses: 1) the technical and possibly universal nature of the single man in possession of a good fortune, yet in want of a wife (it’s not what you think!), and 2) the difficulty of scoring face time with Jake Gyllenhaal (it’s . . . exactly what you think). If you happen to spot us across a crowded room (hint: here’s what we look like), do say hi!
You won’t find us in Regency costumes, Avatar-blue body paint, Sailor Moon costumes, or Storm Trooper masks—we’ll be undercover as incredulous civilians—but you might find us behind a video camera, working on a Very Special Episode of Austenacious (finally: we learn about our changing bodies!). Either way, don’t be shy—we’d love to meet you.
Otherwise, you know, it’s just us and Jake. And I don’t think anybody—least of all Jake—wants that.
OK, we’re getting down to it now. I refer to the movers and shakers, the players who will not go away, obnoxious as they may be. I refer of course to those social climbers and dribbling slam-dunkers, the Bennet family. Will they be unstoppable? Only time and you, our beloved voters, will tell.
Sweet 16 went pretty much by the smart money. See the Austenacious_MarchMadness_Sweet16_Official bracket for the official results. Voting highlights:
- Colonel Fitzwilliam finally found his match in the redoubtable Mr. Bennet. Sarcasm wins the day! (Well, duh. . .)
- 29% of you gave your love to Henry Tilney, but it was not enough. No, not nearly enough. Next up, Mr. Darcy battles his prospective father-in-law, who, remember “has talents which even he cannot deny.”
- John Knightley squeaks by Frank Churchill, in another overtime match. Veddy interesting! Jane Fairfax, are you listening to this?! John Knightley may be kind of surly, but at least he doesn’t flirt with another girl in front of his fiancée. There’s words for that where we come from!
- And Mr. Bingley takes down Robert Martin (nice, gentlemanly, and rich beats nice, gentlemanly, and middle class) to face John Knightley in the coming round.
- As we all expected, the UNSTOPPABLE FORCE that is Elizabeth Bennet dealt quite handily with Miss Bates, as we know she would have had they ever met face to face. Emma’s little comment just isn’t in with what Lizzie could say! Though I don’t think Lizzie would ever be as unsubtle as Emma, do you? Miss Bates did get one sympathy vote, though, which I’m guessing was our own Miss Woodhouse on the flip side.
- In another 27-million hour game, Lady Catherine went down to Mrs. Bennet by just one vote! Both those ladies can talk, as you know, but Mrs. B did outscore Lady C in the marriage market by a handy 3 to 0, so I see this as her victory by rights, anyway.
- Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever, and rich, got ousted by Anne Elliot, faded, unblooming, and silent. Is this the Emma haters at work, or the Anne lovers? Or both?
- Catherine Morland took down Mrs. Elton with no trouble to win the final spot at the Elite 8 table. I do think Harriet Smith is pleased about that! However, she now faces Anne Elliot is both nice (take that, Henry Tilney!) and smart. Hmm. . .
Who will advance to the rarefied air of the Final Four? Only you can tell! Elite 8 voting ends THURSDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT, April 1/2.
Once again, peerless voters, in a battle of wits, in a duel to the death, in a love fest for the ages, who would win?
Well, kids, thanks for playing in the Second Round! We are now on to the Sweet 16, which is sort of funny, since our one 16-year-old (Lydia) got taken out by her own mother. This is war, ladies! Check out the Austenacious_MarchMadness_Round2_Official bracket for the standings. Voting highlights:
- Hello, Colonel Fitzwilliam! Where did you come from?! I guess not saying much is a way to get yourself liked in Austenland. Maybe Mr. Bennet will prove more of a challenge than Mr. Palmer? Mr. Bennet took out Edmund Bertram quite handily. Do we see him as a Captain Picard sort of figure? Or is Edmund just that annoying?
- Mr. Darcy collected 2/3 of the votes, so Captain Wentworth put up a decent fight. I do hope the captain tries again in eight years! Mr. Darcy now faces Henry Tilney. . . You know, I think Lizzie would like Henry. They would get on so well!—I’m just saying.
- No real surprises in the rest of the men’s match-ups, though I do think Jane Austen would be pleased that Robert Martin took down Mr. Elton. He may not be a gentleman, but he isn’t a douchebag either. We’ll just see what he and Mr. Bingley make of each other!
- On the women’s side, Eliza Bennet once again trounced her opponent—this time our own lovely Miss Bennet. I do think beloved sisters fighting is sad, don’t you?. . . Well, we’ll see what Lizzie and Miss Bates make of each other—yes, Miss Bates took down Kitty. Go Miss B!
- In a weird mother-daughter match-up, Mrs. Bennet ousted Lydia, so she’ll face Lady Catherine in the next round. Sort of inevitable that Lady Catherine would deal with poor Charlotte, I suppose.
- In a rare display of spirit, Anne Elliot took care of Caroline Bingley, so she’ll face Emma this round. This will be an acid test of our voters, I think!
- Mrs. Elton defeated Mary Musgrove by the narrowest of margins (in overtime, one might say). I guess bragging is marginally less annoying than whining? She’s up against Catherine Morland, who defeated Fanny Price. Ditz who likes clothes beats sweet know-it-all! Next on Geraldo!
OK, enough of these preview chat shows. Bring on the madness! Sweet 16 voting ends MONDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT, March 29/30. (I know the other MM has moved on to and past Elite Eight at that point, but we do this our way.)
Once again, fearless voters, in a battle of wits, in a duel to the death, in a love fest for the ages, who would win?
Photo credit: ©2010 by Heather Dever. All rights reserved. OK, only some rights reserved. You can copy if you credit!
