Welcome to Mrs. Fitzpatrick’s deflowering—er, inaugural viewing of the Pride and Prejudice 1995! This weekend’s liveblogging event will be narrated by Mrs. F herself, along with Miss Osborne, Miss Ball, and bosom friend Miss Tarango. And burritos. And wine. We know what’s good for us.
Shall we begin?
Miss O: If this were a drinking game, we’d have to drink every time Mary opens her mouth.
Miss B: We could MAKE it into a drinking game…
[The Misses Bennet attend a ball]
Miss O: Two dances! Oh my!
Miss T: That’s like second base, basically.
Miss O: Bingley’s such a dork. And dude, Darcy’s a douchebag.
Miss T: Yeah, they were going to call it Douches and Prejudice, but the alliteration just wasn’t the same.
Mrs. F: Well, Jane Bennet has a thick neck.
Miss B: But it’s long!
Mrs. F: But it’s thick.
Miss B: But it’s so long!
["I'll never dance with Mr. Bennet ever ever ever!"]
Mrs. F: Aaaaand that’s what we call foreshadowing.
Miss B: You guys, Denny’s totally cute.
Miss O: He is! But that other guy, he’s totally the Clint Howard of the BBC.
[Lizzy catches Darcy playing billiards]
Miss O: She doesn’t even say anything. So weird.
Miss T: Well, she did just see his balls.
[One-Armed Jane and Naked Firth pose for a picture]
Miss O: Wait, let’s rewind and pause…I want to see him more naked than that.
Mrs. F: I actually think he’d act this so much better now. Here, he’s just doing being dour. His smolder has gotten way better.
Miss T: Yeah, but they totally could have showed his butt right there.
Mrs. F: You know, at least we can say our mothers have never tried to pimp us out to our cousins.
Miss B: Score one for Mom.
Miss O: I don’t know; I wouldn’t put it past my mom. And I have second cousins who are married.
Mrs. F: …To each other?
Miss O: Yup.
Miss T: Those pants are really unflattering. Tight in all the wrong places and loose in all the wrong places! And men really shouldn’t wear white pants anyway.
Mrs. F: Especially when they look like diapers.
[Mr. Collins proposes]
Mrs. F: That man needs a PowerPoint.
[Mr. Bingley leaves Netherfield]
Miss T: *gasp!* He didn’t even send her a text!
Mrs. F: Ugh, who wants to get married when you have to wear one of those bonnet-y things?
Miss B: Oh, is that the deal?
Miss O: So you don’t drive the men crazy with your hair?
Mrs. F: Just the single ones, I think.
Mrs. T: We wouldn’t want to drive the single ones mad. Don’t want to seduce them.
Miss B: We don’t?
Aaaand we’re out! Check in tomorrow, 12ish-3ish PST, for part 2!2 Comments »