Welcome to Mrs. Fitzpatrick’s deflowering—er, inaugural viewing of the Pride and Prejudice 1995! This weekend’s liveblogging event will be narrated by Mrs. F herself, along with Miss Osborne, Miss Ball, and bosom friend Miss Tarango. And burritos. And wine. We know what’s good for us.

Shall we begin?

Miss O: If this were a drinking game, we’d have to drink every time Mary opens her mouth.

Miss B: We could MAKE it into a drinking game…

[The Misses Bennet attend a ball]

Miss O: Two dances! Oh my!

Miss T: That’s like second base, basically.

Miss O: Bingley’s such a dork. And dude, Darcy’s a douchebag.

Miss T: Yeah, they were going to call it Douches and Prejudice, but the alliteration just wasn’t the same.

Mrs. F: Well, Jane Bennet has a thick neck.

Miss B: But it’s long!

Mrs. F: But it’s thick.

Miss B: But it’s so long!

["I'll never dance with Mr. Bennet ever ever ever!"]

Mrs. F: Aaaaand that’s what we call foreshadowing.

Miss B: You guys, Denny’s totally cute.

Miss O: He is! But that other guy, he’s totally the Clint Howard of the BBC.

[Lizzy catches Darcy playing billiards]

Miss O: She doesn’t even say anything. So weird.

Miss T: Well, she did just see his balls.

[One-Armed Jane and Naked Firth pose for a picture]

Miss O: Wait, let’s rewind and pause…I want to see him more naked than that.

Mrs. F: I  actually think he’d act this so much better now. Here, he’s just doing being dour. His smolder has gotten way better.

Miss T: Yeah, but they totally could have showed his butt right there.

[Mr. Collins...exists]

Mrs. F: You know, at least we can say our mothers have never tried to pimp us out to our cousins.

Miss B: Score one for Mom.

Miss O: I don’t know; I wouldn’t put it past my mom. And I have second cousins who are married.

Mrs. F: …To each other?

Miss O: Yup.

Miss T: Those pants are really unflattering. Tight in all the wrong places and loose in all the wrong places! And men really shouldn’t wear white pants anyway.

Mrs. F: Especially when they look like diapers.

[Mr. Collins proposes]

Mrs. F: That man needs a PowerPoint.

[Mr. Bingley leaves Netherfield]

Miss T: *gasp!* He didn’t even send her a text!

Mrs. F: Ugh, who wants to get married when you have to wear one of those bonnet-y things?

Miss B: Oh, is that the deal?

Miss O: So you don’t drive the men crazy with your hair?

Mrs. F: Just the single ones, I think.

Mrs. T: We wouldn’t want to drive the single ones mad. Don’t want to seduce them.

Miss B: We don’t?

Aaaand we’re out! Check in tomorrow, 12ish-3ish PST, for part 2!

Tagged: on Saturday, April 28, 2012 · 2 Comments »