Aaaaand we’re back! Welcome to Pride and Prejudice ’95, MST3K-ed by Mrs. Fitzpatrick, Miss Ball, Miss Osborne, bosom friend Miss Tarango, and special guest Mrs. Ball, who missed the first half but is mostly in it for the cake anyway.
We open as Elizabeth Bennet and Colonel Fitzwilliam take a turn in the forest…
Miss O: Lizzy should ditch Darcy and just hook up with Colonel Fitzwilliam. He’s so nice and normal.
Mrs. F: Yeah, but in the book, he explicitly says he won’t marry her.
Miss O: So? That never stopped anybody.
Miss B: Minds can be changed.
[Darcy proposes like a big fat jerk]
Miss O: I can’t imagine having that conversation with so many words. Who argues like that?! I would just say, “….Well, uh, screw you!”
Miss B: “I don’t like you anyway!” [cries]
Miss O: Exactly. There are just a lot of WORDS going on in that fight.
Miss B: Wickham is so Snidely Whiplash in this part. I kind of love it. But also…fifteen. Ick.
Mr. Wickham
Miss O: Lady Catherine’s got crazy eyes. She’s like Marty Feldman.
Miss T: Why are putting out and being put out such different things?
Miss B: Well, you can do both.
Miss T: But hopefully not at the same time.
[Lizzy and Co. tour Pemberley]
Miss T: Maybe we’re going about all this wrong. Find a nice house and see if the guy who lives there isn’t totally repulsive?
Miss B: And ask whether we can come over and take a tour. I’ll try it next time.
Miss T: The housemaid sounds a little like Gollum.
Mrs. B: …and kinda looks like her, too.
[Darcy + pond]
Miss T: Doing okay over there, Miss O?
Miss O: I am doing GREAT. Really, really well.
Mrs. B: Wait, which actor is that?
Miss B: Colin Firth!
Miss T: HAVE YOU TAUGHT YOUR MOTHER NOTHING?!
[SCANDAL!]
Mrs. F: What’s up with Kitty’s hair?
Miss B: 1995.
["Lydia, get away from the window!"]
Miss B: What’s he so afraid of? Snipers?
Miss O: Snoopers.
Miss B: At least she’ll be okay in an earthquake, I guess.
[Breaking news!]
Miss O: Lizzy needs a sports bra. Always running!
[Plot happens. We get sucked in.]
[KISSING.]
YAAAAAAAAAY!
Mrs. F will be back later with her thoughts after the first time. Thanks for tuning in! Until next time.
Ha ha! I can completely picture this. I hope Mrs. F enjoyed it.