Come one, come all, to the Jane Austen Fight Club, where the very best from Jane’s world and the very best from everywhere else match wits and fists for all to see! The prizes: pride, honor, and the adoration of Jane fans everywhere, or a “The first rule of fight club is, we don’t talk about Mr. Darcy” t-shirt and possibly some Regency medical care for all your combat-induced wound-care needs!

Today’s contestants: Fitzwilliam “Pride” Darcy, hunter and shaker-downer of skeevy statutory rapists, and Peeta “I Like Frosting” Mellark, two-time Hunger Games survivor, mentally unstable torture victim, and baker extraordinaire! They’re nice guys with burning crushes…but who will scorch whom?

In their corners:

Darcy may LOOK like a nice man, but don’t get him wrong: he’s got a temper, a sword, and probably a dueling pistol or two. See how he barged in on Wickham and bent him to his will? YEAH. And as Mrs. Fitzpatrick put it, “there’s also his superpower of freezing disdain.” It’s gotta be the de Bourgh blood, right?

Peeta’s young, but he’s been through a lot and picked up a few skills along the way—he’s strong, he’s loyal, he knows how to hide, and late-night hosts everywhere dig him. Hey, (spoiler alert) he LIVED and he got the girl, didn’t he? Gotta give the boy props for that. He also pipes a mean flower.

Handicaps:

Darcy’s only handicap may be his generally impeccable sense of reserve (saying rude things aloud at parties notwithstanding): he could kick your tail, but would he? Would he really?

Peeta…well. When Peeta’s on, he’s ON. When Peeta’s not on, he’s…kind of a moron. He’s noisy in the forest! He would totally have eaten those lethal berries! Really, he’d rather hide in the mud for like two weeks than experience your aggro. Let’s be honest.

Decision:

Darcy, hands down—he’s got the temper and the gun. Quick, Peeta, paint yourself onto a tree!

Anybody willing to take odds on calling off the fight and having a cup of tea, however, might also be handsomely rewarded.

Tagged: Jane Austen, Jane Austen Fight Club, Mr. Darcy, Peeta Mellark, Pride and Prejudice, The Hunger Games on Tuesday, June 19, 2012 · 4 Comments »